Why Am I Here?

If you're like me you have pondered this question many times in your life? At one point I was frustrated with everything going wrong in my life, I angrily yelled at God; "If you tell me what you want me to do, I can start doing it but I don't know what you want from me!"

I was over everything! I was tired of being heartbroken, feeling alone and misunderstood, I was tired of the financially struggle and the cycle of work, pay bills, stress, fake smile, push through, cry. It felt like any happiness I felt was short lived and then after a while it was right back to the same feelings. Lost, unsure, confused, hesitant. We all have a purpose that's why we are here. I knew that if I knew what my purpose was I would do it if it meant I didn't have to keep riding this ride.

That's what I thought anyway. Procrastination was my biggest enemy. I had been walking in and around my purpose for years, sometimes I was right on the verge of stepping into it then fear pushed me in the opposite direction. Fear of what? Failure? Success? Both. I was afraid that I would fail yes, but I was more afraid that I would succeed. I know that sounds weird, but I was insecure. Mentally and emotionally I was very insecure. What if I was to succeed, I didn't want the world to see me. I wanted the success but I wanted someone else to be the face of it because I didn't feel worthy of it. I felt like I should deserve it because I was a good person, but I didn't deserve it because I didn't love myself. Even as I write these words Im tearing up because I spent so many years not loving myself. As you will come to know about me from either the blogs or the books: mindset is everything. Anything you want starts in your mind. Your dreams are just as hungry as your fears and you feed them with thoughts. I thought I could do anything but I didn't think I deserved the happiness or abundance of success. I think about all the time I wasted being so unfair to myself.

The beautiful thing about purpose is you usually find it by healing. Examine your wounds and usually those places that need to be healed reveal a direct alignment to purpose. Once I realized that, my thoughts changed. You will never be anywhere except where you are supposed to be. I now realize that it wasn't wasted time, it was the preparation for my purpose. When you bake a cake you don't consider the time you spend buying, and mixing ingredients, and then baking the cake "wasted time"; it's necessary for the finished product.

I realize that the waiting part can be daunting. You're going to get frustrated, you will doubt. I can also promise you that not only will your purpose be revealed to you when the time is right, but if you use the prep time wisely, the finished product will blow you away! Trust the process, and stay focused on the destination not so much path to get there. Just because it's not what you expected doesn't mean it's not exactly where you're supposed to be.

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